Archive for the ‘Stephanie Meyer’ Category

Twilight Wins The MTV Movie Awards, Confirming MTV’s Audience Are Now Dumb, Pubescent Children

June 1, 2009


The MTV Movie Awards were on last night. I didn’t watch. Why, you ask? Why would somebody who spends his time writing a movie blog not watch a movie awards show? Because based on the previews, it looked like an orgy of praise for Twilight. The two stars were promised to appear, there was promised a sneak peak at the sequel, and it was up for best picture. Surely, SURELY it couldn’t win over The Dark Knight or Slumdog Millionaire. MTV’s viewers aren’t complete fools, are they? Yup. They are. I should have expected it from the network that airs Parental Control.

Twilight took home best picture, as voted by the viewers. Music Television at its finest, folks. I don’t really understand this fad, and can’t wait for it to pass. It seems to be a void filler, now that Potter-mania is at its end. But at least the Harry Potter books were, y’know… Good. Twilight reads like a bad fanfic written by a pubescent girl, barely hiding its sexual undertones where ‘bite’ is a substitute for ‘ravage.’ Or, when a vampire says, “I want to suck your blood,” substitute ‘blood’ with ‘titties’ and you’ll discern the true meaning. Either way they’re shallow and cheesy, and the movie didn’t fare much better. CW worthy special effects, hollow acting from, well, everybody, lots of vampires hissing at each other. Thanks, but no thanks. “I’ve never wanted a human so badly,” Robert Pattison’s character Edward Cullen coos into his lover’s ear. Then he glitters in sunlight. That’s apparently what vampires do now. They shimmer like Tinker Bell just shot them with fairy dust. How radical.

But it mustered enough votes to win 5 golden popcorns, including best kiss. OMG, it was like, so great. The sequel has been released to the squeals of fangirls everywhere. This one has, get this, werewolves. Whoa, didn’t see that coming. I actually spoiled the end of the series for myself, since I’m not going to see the movies and wanted to see how Stephanie Meyer messed it up even worse than she did by starting it. And wow, it’s bad.

On the upside, Eminem got to sniff Sacha Baron Cohen’s “anoose” in a hilarious unscripted prank. See video embedded here.

Eminem is such a tool.

Two Fangirl Posts In One Day?! Taylor Lautner Is Back For New Moon

January 8, 2009

Alright, I know this isn’t usually the kind of thing I report on, but this ridiculous Twilight drama has been one of the my favorite stories of the past few months, and I’ve been following it rather closely. In case you didn’t know, Taylor Lautner, the 16 year-old actor who played Jacob in the breakout blockbuster of the season, the emo vampire film Twilight, was in serious jeopardy of losing his role in the sequel, New Moon. Producers and Director Chris Weitz were extremely concerned that baby-faced Lautner was not butch and beefy enough to carry on the role of Jacob Black, who in the novel New Moon, becomes a werewolf and suddenly looks like a 25 year-old man. Rumors were rampant that Michael Copon, an older, stronger actor would be recast in the role.

Well, Taylor Lautner and his legion of fangirls were not about to go down without a fight! For his part, Taylor desperately packed on 19 pounds of muscle, and promised the director that he would gain ten more by the time filming started. The rest of the battle was up to the Twilight fangirls. Thousands of teenage girls made or watched Taylor/Jacob tribute videos on YouTube, they signed online petitions, they wrote letters to Summit Entertainment, they trolled on message boards, they launched sites like this one to support their beloved Taylor. And guess what? They won! Chris Weitz just released a statement via Twilight author, Stephanie Meyer’s web site:

I’m very happy to announce that Taylor Lautner will be playing Jacob Black in New Moon and that he’s doing so with the enthusiastic support of Summit Entertainment, the producers, and Stephenie Meyer.

Well, there you have it, fangirls. Congratulations. You successfully got your favorite heartthrob his role back, and you proved the immense power of crazy fans on the internet! Here’s a question, though. If Lautner had not been cast in the sequel, how do you think New Moon‘s box office would have been affected? There have been many cases where an actor has been recast (e.g. Batman dropping Katie Holmes), and the franchise didn’t miss a beat. And it’s not like this is the Harry Potter universe, and we have stuck with these same actors for five movies already. Would New Moon have done as well as Twilight, which has already earned $178 million? I feel like it would have been just fine. After all, moviegoers (and especially teen moviegoers) are notoriously fickle but forgetful. Remember how disturbed everyone was when Daniel Craig was cast as James Bond? The internet was alive with complaints about his blond hair and strange demeanor, but Casino Royale ended up reinvigorating the whole franchise. The Twilight phenomenon is certainly nothing like the James Bond franchise, but I’m just saying that all the hullabaloo about recasting is often much ado about nothing.

But don’t get me wrong- I’m excited for Taylor Lautner and the fangirls that they fought the good fight and got him back in the role of Jacob Black. And I’ve never even seen Twilight! I just really wanted to see Michael Copon not get the part, because this guy seems like a douchebag. He kept trying to promote himself to the public, but he found out that when you go up against a generation of rabid fangirls, you will lose. He’s probably regretting interviews like this.