The MTV Movie Awards were on last night. I didn’t watch. Why, you ask? Why would somebody who spends his time writing a movie blog not watch a movie awards show? Because based on the previews, it looked like an orgy of praise for Twilight. The two stars were promised to appear, there was promised a sneak peak at the sequel, and it was up for best picture. Surely, SURELY it couldn’t win over The Dark Knight or Slumdog Millionaire. MTV’s viewers aren’t complete fools, are they? Yup. They are. I should have expected it from the network that airs Parental Control.
Twilight took home best picture, as voted by the viewers. Music Television at its finest, folks. I don’t really understand this fad, and can’t wait for it to pass. It seems to be a void filler, now that Potter-mania is at its end. But at least the Harry Potter books were, y’know… Good. Twilight reads like a bad fanfic written by a pubescent girl, barely hiding its sexual undertones where ‘bite’ is a substitute for ‘ravage.’ Or, when a vampire says, “I want to suck your blood,” substitute ‘blood’ with ‘titties’ and you’ll discern the true meaning. Either way they’re shallow and cheesy, and the movie didn’t fare much better. CW worthy special effects, hollow acting from, well, everybody, lots of vampires hissing at each other. Thanks, but no thanks. “I’ve never wanted a human so badly,” Robert Pattison’s character Edward Cullen coos into his lover’s ear. Then he glitters in sunlight. That’s apparently what vampires do now. They shimmer like Tinker Bell just shot them with fairy dust. How radical.
But it mustered enough votes to win 5 golden popcorns, including best kiss. OMG, it was like, so great. The sequel has been released to the squeals of fangirls everywhere. This one has, get this, werewolves. Whoa, didn’t see that coming. I actually spoiled the end of the series for myself, since I’m not going to see the movies and wanted to see how Stephanie Meyer messed it up even worse than she did by starting it. And wow, it’s bad.
On the upside, Eminem got to sniff Sacha Baron Cohen’s “anoose” in a hilarious unscripted prank. See video embedded here.
Eminem is such a tool.