Archive for the ‘Les Miserables’ Category

BREAKING NEWS: Ugly People Can Sing Too?

April 20, 2009
Susan Boyle Challenges Worldwide Notion That Only Beautiful People Have Talent Or Worth. I am taking a break from my medium. Movies are typically my thing, but I’m branching out for this post, and abusing my podium on this site to give a little bit of a rant.
I love movies, that’s why I do this. I also happen to love musicals. Like my love for Superman and comic books, this was not a love I had when I was younger, but one I learned to appreciate as I reached maturity. But of the few musicals I’ve had the opportunity to see on Broadway, there has been none like Les Miserables. The music, the story, the characters, the sets, are all so perfect and put together in such a beautiful way that I couldn’t help but love it. By now, I’ve read the book, and have listened to all the songs so many timesI could practically perform a one man show for you from memorization, not that that’s something anybody wants to see.

However, of all the great music in the production, I can actually say one is my all-time favorite song, of any genre. That song is I Dreamed a Dream. It’s beautiful melody, emotion, and the neverending, heartbreaking hope it implies has meant more to me than any other song could.

Which brings me to the point of the article. Since its release, I have received phone calls, e-mails, texts, and a telegraph Morse Code about a brand new internet sensation. Her name is Susan Boyle, and she recently tried out on Britain’s Got Talent singing I Dreamed a Dream. Since all of my friends know how much I love this song, they make sure I see it. Susan Boyle is one of the most searched headlines on Google right now, her Youtube video has over forty million views in no more than ten days, and Susan is, well… She’s ugly as sin.

That’s a stretch. She isn’t ugly as sin, but she isn’t exactly Heidi Klum. She’s forty-seven with a gray… afro thingy, a little haggard, has squinty eyes and bushy eyebrows, and–what the hell, you just saw her picture. Anyway, she walks onto the stage, and reveals what she wants to be: a professional singer. Here’s a loose dialogue between the judges, Susan and the audience.

Simon: How old are you?
Susan: 47.
Audience whistles and laughs in irony of this ugly lady in front of them. LoL!
Susan: And that’s just one side of me!
Audience laughs really hard! ROFL! She made of herself! Judges hold back vomit.
Simon: And what’s the dream?
Susan: I want to be a professional singer.
Audience laughs nervously. Zoom on some bitch who looks like she’s never heard a more preposterous idea, and who will soon look like, well, a bitch.
Simon: And who would you like to be as successful as?
Susan: Elaine Paige
Audience: ROFLMAO! Elaine Paige is a pretty blonde, you funny little ogre you.
Simon: And what will you be singing tonight?
Susan: I’ll be singing “I Dreamed a Dream” from Les Miserables.
Audience cheers because they can at least recognize good music.

It takes the first line for people to start applauding wildly. Susan has a goddess’s voice, it is truly beautiful, and she sings the song magnificently. And the audience is shocked. I mean absolutely dumbfounded. They applaud wildly. Oh my God! She’s ugly but she’s really good! OMG!!

I’m sorry, what just happened? Oh that’s right, every idiot out there thought there was correlation between a person’s appearance and the beautiful quality of their voice. It’s like they needed scientists to go run experiments to see if, in fact, every belief they had about singing talents had always been wrong.

What?! I thought only people like Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera can sing, cause they’re soooo pretty that they’re voice reflects that!

God these people need to be kicked.

So the audience is shocked, and the judges are shocked. Says one, “That was one of the biggest surprises I’ve had on this show!…Everyone was laughing at you. They’re not laughing now!.. I’m shocked.” Says another, “I know everybody was against you, and I think we were all being very cynical.” Cynical, sure, that’s one word. I’ll throw in judgmental and stupid. Why, why could they not fathom that this woman could sing? Look, if this woman had come out and said, “I want to be a swimsuit model,” that’s an entirely different story. beauty is not her strong suit, and there’s nothing wrong with that. But to think, to be so damned arrogant to be surprised that someone who isn’t attractive has the capacity to make beautiful music is sickening to me.

Then they get all cheerful, and all supportive. “Good for you, little ugly woman, you can sing, we were wrong!” They say, and make it look like they’re being helpful by voting her through. You dipshits were part of the problem. She’s probably been laughed at and had her talents ignored all her life because of half-brained thinking like this.

And the biggest surprise? They’re more surprised at an ugly woman who can sing than the four year old who sings like a professional or the man who sells telephones and nails a difficult operatic piece; but noooo, it’s the ugly singer that really floors them.

I was surprised when she started singing as well, but only because vocal prowess that she showed is so rare in anybody. I was just as surprised when Anne Hathaway sang at the Academy Awards. There was no reason to make these assumptions before she’d even sang a note. I will be rooting for her because she has a beautiful voice, not because she’s not very attractive and has a beautiful voice. And when she wins she should tell all those two-faced people in the audience to kiss her ass while she sings an aria.

End rant. Movie stuff will resume shortly.

-While Susan’s rendition is amazing, my absolute favorite ever was sung by Hayley Westenra. Youtube her if you liked this song.

UPDATE: Due to Susan Boyle, I Dreamed a Dream has skyrocketed on iTunes charts, along with the Les Miserables soundtrack. On sheet-music sites like, it has suddenly appeared as one of the most popular songs to download, over Miley Cyrus and the shitty Twilight soundtrack. Suddenly I feel with the times… Comic book movies are respected, my favorite song is suddenly one of the most popular songs in the nation.. who’d a thunkit?