Perhaps I was being a bit presumptuous, using the Cartesian argument that the mental realm is, in fact, a place, but let’s just pretend it’s true. Now imagine the part owned by Tim Burton. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you shitless. But can you possibly think of a more horrifying place? The man is such a mixture of genius and madness I can hardly fathom the frightening beasts that storm around that twisted, brilliant imagination. Edward Scissorhands, The Nightmare Before Christmas, and Sweeney Todd are all great examples of just how differently this man thinks. It should also tell you something when his number one go to actor is Johnny Depp, another man whose mental realm would make my head explode like those dudes at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark, seeing something so majestic and terrifying at once.
Next up for Tim Burton (Depp included, of course), is the reimagining of Lewis Carroll’s classic Alice in Wonderland. Some photos have been floating the net, showing off some major characters. Warning, some people may find these images disturbing.
Are you okay? Did you just have a mild stroke of fear? I understand. Helena Bonham Carter looks like a bobbing-head doll that isn’t afraid to split you from stem to sturnam. She plays the Queen of Hearts, and is quoted to have “a moat filled with bobbing noggins,” which I assume is Britain-talk for “this bitch cuts off heads and then swims in a pool with them floating around her.”
Meanwhile, I’m fairly certain Johnny Depp’s Mad Hatter (yes, that’s him on the left) could reach out and stab through this computer screen, all the while wearing that spine-chilling, gap toothed smile. A lot of people have been clamoring for, and I quote, “Johnny Depp to play the Riddler!” in the next Batman film online. I don’t think this is such a great idea, but what I’m suddenly keen to is having him play the Mad Hatter, who is an actual Batman villain, one who happens to be an Alice in Wonderland obsessed psychopath. Just have him dress like that and recite The Walrus and the Carpenter while walking down the street shooting people. And you thought that guy who played the clown was scary.
Anne Hathaways on the right, and I ask you, how is it she still looks beautiful when made ghostly white? You must be relieved, thinking that that’s the end of the terrifying pictures-wrong.
Perhaps that wasn’t scary enough, you probably couldn’t make out exactly what was going on. It’s Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum, and to get a clearer pictures, that’s them on the left. I’m sorry, I forgot in the story the eerie twins turn into The Blob and eat Alice for dinner and the Cheshire cat for desert. In Tim Burton’s mind, they do.
This movie is bound to be great. It’s obviously full of the bizarre, which Burton has shown he can do very well. It’s playing a sort of Hook trick, where Alice is a little older and has forgotten she visited Wonderland once before. Well she’s about to go back, and live in Tim Burton’s dream.
Which, for normal non-creative geniuses, gives me nightmares.